This explanation speaks from my work in the “Diamond Approach”, a fourth way esoteric school. The narcissistic shell makes reference to the
“false self” we each create to help us interface with the world. The work of this school helps one to become more aware of and discern the shell’s fakeness as
part of the process of increasing self-awareness.
During this summer’s 10-day EM3 retreat on “The Point”, I had powerful visceral experiences of the narcissistic shell. After stabilizing the experience, I found
myself able to see/feel/sense the tear in the shell, and move and speak (slowly) while keeping contact with it. I found it humbling and fascinating to be in presence from such a
place.
One night, I thought to try to make paintings of my felt/sense of the shell. I was in the beginning of a creative arc with a new painting style.
Upon returning home, I just wanted to be in the studio, working while being present and feeling the tear in my shell. The artwork developed with emotion, trust and intuition
while in presence. It was a way for me to continue to inquire into and to metabolize what had unfolded on retreat. Often there was pain and shame and sometimes, surprising creative
fluidity. Through it all, I noticed more permission and less of my usual critical judgment.
It’s been two months since the retreat. My emotional focus has shifted, but I still feel unleashed. Several other groups of paintings have also appeared. It seems all that
I need do is to show up in the studio, slow down, be present and watch what’s really happening that day. I’m pleased with the work about five days a week, wonder what
the hell’s going on the other two days, and expect a good super-ego attack every fortnight.
In December, an exhibition of the recent paintings will open at the Van Brunt Gallery in Beacon, New York.